Motherfucking Hell (in Pennsylvania)

I am having a terrible fortnight. That's what it is. Last week sucked, and this one isn't any better. There have been brief punctuations. Let us start with the weekend of the eleventh. I had a Geology Club trip. You should know that it was kick-ass. We drove up to Jersey Saturday morning. (I hate speed cameras, by the way. Thanks to the Jersey Turnpike, I probably have about seventy-five tickets in the mail. Fantastic.) We collected some fantastic specimens of various fluorescent rocks, saw a shooting star, a couple of satellites, heard a bear (didn't sound too happy), and got one hell of a workout walking up and down a hill six times. Then the shit kicked in.

It should be noted that on Saturday, when I was nearly in Jersey, my engine light went on. What was I going to do about it up there? I ignored it. Sunday, we left for home just before one o'clock. About seventy miles-ish out, the car started lurching forward and backward, as though it were about to die. On 95. I pulled over. Checked under the hood and realized that the oil was low- but that couldn't be doing it, could it? No, it turns out. It could not. For on the inside of the front right tire, there was a disturbing I'm-about-to-explode-and-cause-you-all-kinds-of-shit type bulge. Luckily, I had a spare tire. Not so luckily, 'twas a mere doughnut. (I never would have made it home on that, anyway, it turns out.) So we changed the tire. And that's what was causing the lurchiness, right? WRONG. For the car continued to lurch every time I stepped on the gas...We stopped at a gas station, got a quart of oil, and went off on our merry way. Our merry way lasted about five minutes. The lurching got worse. And worse. Pulled over again, still couldn't figure it out. Drove to the nearest gas station, whose manager informed me of a Pep Boys half a mile down the road. Couldn't find it (I know, what a shock). I stopped in a shopping center to ask for directions. I parked; my ass was hanging slightly over the next parking space. I went inside. I obtained the desired directions. I returned to my car. I put the key in the ignition. I turned the key. The engine started. I put the car in drive and began to roll forward.

The engine died right as I centered the car perfectly in the space.
Amazing.

Called 411, got Pep Boys.

In Arizona.

Finally got an actual person who informed me that he would try to find a tower (to be read as toe-er, not tau-er, you dumbasses). Sadly, the nearest and soonest available was two hours away. At six-thirty (we should have been home at four-thirty), the tow truck pulled up. By this time, Pep Boys (and apparently everywhere else in the state of Pennsylvania) was closed. We towed the two whole blocks down the highway to the garage and then waited an hour and one-half for our rescue to come bring us back home. My poor, dear car is now sitting abandoned in a parking lot three hours away. It is over a week later, and though I owe about four hundred and ninety bucks, I am not entirely clear on the whole repairs thing- did they actually do anything to my car? I've been charged for the tow, for a ridiculous diagnostic which apparently decreed that I have a leak in my transmission fluid or some such (I'm pretty sure I don't), a new tire, and Jesus Christ doesn't even know what else. Because he's dead.

But that is not the point. The point is that I'm whining right now and am not much closer to being finished. I got an 'A' on my geology test, so that was good. It was the Monday following the car shit, and half my notes were back home, so I thought it was pretty impressive that at six-thirty in the morning, two and one-half hours before the test, I memorized the half of the geologic timescale that I needed to know for it. Fast forward to the weekend. I went to New York on a group trip. It was pretty sweet. Until I got diarrhea and missed the Broadway play I was supposed to see.

That's right; I have no discretion. You weren't expecting that, now, were you?

And now it is Tuesday. Would you like to know what is wrong with that? I'll bet you wouldn't. So I shall tell you: Pennsylvania is holding its primary today. Hillary Clinton is probably going to win that primary. If Obama were to win, it would be all over for Hillary. It really would. If the Bitch wins (and she will), this whole damn thing is still up in the air. I don't want to watch CNN tonight. But I will. I'll have on all damn night, because I am a masochist when it comes to politics. I shall sit in front of my (my roommate's) television for the next several hours and watch Hillary Clinton win that election. I'll switch to MSNBC every now and then; I'll groan and pull my hair out... It'll be a good time.

Wow. Looking back on what I've just written (skimming, of course- who in his right mind would read all of that?), I have come to a realization. Most of my problems have to do with Pennsylvania. Could we just remove it from the union, please? Thank you.